They grow up so fast...

My kid cracks me up. She's only 3 years old, but sometimes I think she's actually a teenager trapped in a tiny body. She's very articulate, & she communicates her feelings in just such a fashion that sometimes I just scratch my head. The other day Andy & I were headed out the door for an appointment. Abby was sitting in the highchair eating her lunch. She stopped Andy & said "Daddy, I'm miserable, I'm tired, & I haven't pooped. I need a nap." Well, that's getting right to the point, eh?

Good Morning Baltimore!

I went to see the oncologist yesterday.  My chemo isn't working, duh.  It seems that we have pretty much run through every option we have here in Pennsyltucky, so my Dr. has decided that I need to go to Johns Hopkins. I will be seeing an oncologist there named Dan Leharu who specializes in colorectal & pancreatic cancer. I read up on him, & he seems to have an excellent reputation, & my current oncologist can't say enough about him.  I'm sure I'll be in good hands. My dad is all worried about me.  He seems to think that I should be freaking out or something.  He talked to Andy last night about his concerns, & Andy assured him that I am just fine, but I don't think he's convinced. For any of you out there who may be concerned about me, don't be.  I'm doing just fine.  I really made my peace with this whole steaming pile of crap a long time ago. I had no choice.  As a matter of fact, here is an example...

Yesterday when we were sitting in the Dr.'s office my oncologist was talking to us about why I am a good candidate for clinical drug trials.  I am in good health, my immune system is strong, & even though my liver is being attacked right now my liver is functioning very well.  then he started to explain how the trials work.  There are 3 stages. Stage 1 tests for dosing, side effects, toxicity, blah, blah, blah... Stage 2 deals more with how effective the drugs are on the tumors,blah, blah, blah... Stage 3 compares the test drug to placebos & other drugs blah, blah, blah...  Andy is sitting & listening so intently that he was on the edge of his seat, but not me!  I was trying not to giggle. Why, you ask? Because all that was running through my head was THIS...

So you see folks, I still have my warped sense of humor.  No worries.  I'm doing just fine. 

No, I have not dropped off the end of the earth.

Finally!! I've returned to blog for you all! I apologize for the lapse in postings.  We purchased a super sweet new MAC, but when it came it had a Spanish keyboard.  Needless to say, I had to wait until the English keyboard arrived to blog so that I could punctuate. 

I'll start with my recent trip to Disney.  Let me just say that I am very grateful to my in-laws for making this trip possible. HOWEVER... I will have to think long & hard before I spend 4 days in a van with my father-in-law EVER AGAIN!!! I have never been so scared as a passenger in my entire life. SERIOUSLY. It was really frightening, just ask my husband.  He'll confirm it. Apparently my father-in-law was attempting to channel Joei Chitwood & set land speed records. HOLY SHIT. I talked to God a lot while we were on the road. Let me also add that Andy's dad has GI issues.  He farts a lot, & it really stinks. REALLY STINKS!!!!!!  I was not happy when he ate a hard boiled egg & pork rinds for breakfast on our last travel day.  The van needed fumigated by the time we made it back to Carlisle. Also on the way home my kid had to stop every hour to pee, & then she was ended up constipated.  It sucked.  Disney was pretty fun, but very rushed & not nearly as relaxing as I would have thought. Andy & I are planning on a return trip sometime soon. Also it seems that I am the only one in the family that did not enjoy Epcot. Oh well! 

On to health issues. Apparently my freakin' cancer is attacking my liver.  I see the oncologist on Monday to decide what the next plan of action is going to be.  I'll post again once I know more. 

Abby had FINALLY decided that she is ready to use the potty, & has been wearing panties all week accident free. WOOOOOO HOOOOOO!!!! I couldn't be happier! She still wears a Pull Up at night & nap time. Baby steps. 

Tomorrow is my 36th Birthday.  I have no plans, as I was supposed to have chemo on Monday.  With the news about my CT scan we decided to postpone it until my Dr. returned from vacation & made a decision on what to do about the latest issues.  He's in India again.  (2nd time this year, & it's barely March!) He travels a LOT!!  He's pushing 70. If lots 'o vacations is what it takes to keep him from retiring, so be it. (Trust me. Dr. Andrews takes LOTS 'o vacations!) Maybe I'll get drunk. Who knows.  I'm just grateful to have another Birthday to celebrate. Happy Birthday to me!!

Don't Drink The Water...

Alas, I've returned to grace you all with a blog. Sorry that it's been nearly a month since my last post. I've been a little busy. Between getting ready for the great Disney adventure, dealing with the kiddo, & going for my weekly dose of poison,(God, I wish...) I've been really beat. Here goes my rant.

Sorry to start out with a rant, but I feel that ranting here helps me deal with whatever issue may be currently nagging at me. That issue is babies. I'm surrounded by them. One arrived about 2 weeks ago. My niece arrives Wednesday via c-section at around 1 pm. I also have 3 more wonderful chicks in my life who are very newly (and happily) fertilized. why, you ask, is this nagging at me? I guess it's because I can't have any more babies, unless by some miracle of miracles my cancer is healed with the promise of never returning again. Lets face it people... I'm lucky to be here at all right now. You know you're dealing with a monster when you & your spouse discuss saving for your 40th Birthday party 5 years in advance because if you live to see 40 you will have beat the odds, & plan to have ONE HELL OF A PARTY!! I have always wanted to have CHILDREN. I am very fortunate to have one amazingly beautiful & sweet little girl. She is my little miracles. I had stage 4 colon cancer throughout my entire pregnancy. That STILL freaks me out. I should consider myself lucky to have her, & trust me, I do. I thank God every day for giving me such a wonderful gift. I feel like such a shit for getting so upset when my friends shared their wonderful news with me! How can I be so selfish? Why can't I be happy for them right now? Am I losing my mind? Does it really only take 3 lick to get tot the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop? I guess the world may never know...

My "Bucket List"

We all talk about it, but how many of us really actually take the time to sit down & put it in writing? Maybe it's my circumstances that are motivating me, or maybe it's all the stupid commercials I keep seeing for that new movie. I decided that it's time for me to actually list my "stuff to do before I die". I hope, dear readers, that you enjoy my list. Some of it may surprise you & some of it may disturb you. Just remember that even thought my treatment may be going well, I really have no idea how much time I have left. That being said, here it is in no particular order...

1. I want to own my own home.

2. I want to take a trip to Greece.

3. I want to ride a mechanical bull.(No snickering please!)

4. I want to turn 40.

5. I want to take a trip to Alaska.

6. I want to watch my daughter graduate from High School.

7. I want to got back to work. I really miss my job!

8. Though highly unlikely, I would love to have another baby.

9. I want to get a new tattoo to cover the one on my ankle.

10. I want to need a haircut. I had nice hair & I miss it, damn it!

11.I want to see the look on my daughter's face the first time she sees Mickey Mouse in person. (6 weeks & counting!! I can't WAIT!)

12. I want to make sure that every one of my friends & family know exactly how much I love them... really, really love them. (Even if they happen to be a deadbeat with no job.)

13. I want to understand why I got cancer.

14. I want to live long enough to see a cure for cancer.

15. I want to watch my husband graduate from college & become a teacher.

16. I want to fly First Class.

17. I want to kiss my grand babies.

18. I want to take a helicopter into the Grand Canyon.

19. I want to take my daughter to Niagara falls & ride the Maid of the Mist one more time.

20. I want to have stupid fights with my teenage daughter 'cuz we both have PMS.

21. I want to tell my grandchildren what a pain in the ass their mother was when she was a teenager.

22. I want to send my husband on a dream golf vacation because he deserves it, damn it!

23. I want to make sure that my sister-in-law knows what a truly cool sister, Aunt, & God Mother she is.

24. "I'd like to thank the Academy..." (Sorry, had to do it!)

25. I want to make sure that Jen knows that even though she lives so far away I can feel the love & support flowin' to the lower 48!

26. I want to make sure that Tom & Paul know how much I appreciate their love & support even though I don't get over much right now 'cuz I've been feeling so crappy. (And I know how much they LOVE living in PA!)

27. Although I am deathly afraid of heights, I'd really like to ride in a hot air balloon!

28. I want to take a trip to Banff.

29. I've always thought about writing a children's book. Maybe I should just give it a try.

30. I want to see a jazz concert @ Lincoln Center.

31. I want to see Mt. Rushmore.

32. I want to read Tuesday's With Morrie because I'm probably the only person on earth who hasn't read it yet.

33. I want to read The Secret Garden, A Tree Grows In Brooklyn, & Jane Eyre to my daughter just like my mother read them to me.

34. I want to go back to LA & do all the tacky touristy crap that I didn't get to do the last 2 times that I went. Oh yes, I WILL buy a star map...

35. I want to swim in the Gulf of Mexico.

36. I want to go to the San Diego Zoo.

37. I want to learn to ride a horse.

38. I want to see San Fransisco.

39. I want to have lunch with this lady, 'cuz she ROCKS!

40. I want Ty Pennington & his crew to come & fix my mom & dad's house even they make me crazy. They deserve it.

41. I want to watch this over & over again because it's freakin' HILARIOUS! I think I've seen it 20 times & it still gets me!

42. I want to take a carriage ride through Central Park & have dinner at Tavern on the Green.

43. I want to eat sushi in Tokyo.

44. I'd like my steroids to wear off so I can got the hell to bed. I'm really rather tired!

On that note, I'll finish, for now. Please feel free to forward any suggestions to me!

Christmas Came Early At My House!!!

Yippee for me!! I got an early Christmas present the evening, courtesy of the in-laws! Andy & I are now the proud owners of a shiny new Sony Handycam!!! WOOOO HOOOO!!! I'm STOKED! We got it early so that we could use it on Christmas Eve & Christmas Day & actually understand how it works. This is just the best! It will really make our trip to Disney that much better! I guess now I'm going to turn into one of those wacko Mommy's that video tapes every move her kid makes. Be prepared for the home movies folks!!

The Power is still on...

...for now, that is. Apparently there is a tree & a huge tree branch laying on the power lines. When we called PP&L to inform them of the problem, they told us "We'll get to it as soon as we can, probably in a few days." Great. In the meantime the power still occasionally flickers, I can only assume to remind us that the branches are there just waiting to snap the lines & cause another fire. (By another fire, I am referring back to the great tree-drop incident of May,1992 when a tree fell across the driveway & took out all of the lines on the pole causing a very small, but very hot fire. Fortunately we had just had a good rain after a 3 week long drought. The firemen who stood in a circle & watched it burn informed my mother that we were very lucky that it didn't spread. They dug up the area that burned after PP&L turned off the power & the sand in the soil had actually tuned to glass. It was really freaky.)

I have included some pictures. They were taken @ 11ish this morning. It was supposed to get up to 38 today & melt most of the ice, but there is just about as much ice in the trees now as there was yesterday, & the sun has been out since around 8. I guess we'll just wait & see what happens!